Parenting teenagers is hard, and it may be troublesome to find out the suitable response when your little one does or says one thing upsetting. Even probably the most affected person, well-meaning mother and father make rash choices typically. Take it from this mother, who turned to Reddit for some unbiased perception after she canceled her son’s party over a sexist comment he made in passing.
/AmITheAsshole consumer @loopingtossaway supplied this context: She had deliberate a three-day weekend at a ski resort for her 16-year-old son in honor of his seventeenth birthday. A bunch of his mates had been tagging alongside, too. “They began speaking about all kinds of issues, although,” she recalled, “and ultimately the subject of my son’s sexuality got here up.”
Her son is bisexual and presently relationship one other boy. These info aren’t points for her (they usually shouldn’t be for any mother or father — bisexuality is completely legitimate, and teenagers ought to be capable of discover their sexuality freely). Slightly, the issue was a throwaway remark @loopingtossaway overhead when her son was speaking to his mates.
“They’re asking him when he realized he was bisexual, when did he come out, when did he first date a man, what had been the variations between guys and women, and many others.,” she defined. “Finally they ask him what’s his desire. He says, ‘Naturally, I don’t have a desire. I’m drawn to guys and women the identical, however after relationship women and guys, I can say girls aren’t well worth the hassle.‘”
His reply caught her consideration, so she requested him to clarify additional. However primarily based on her recollection of the occasion, it looks as if she barely gave her son the prospect: “I advised him, ‘If girls aren’t well worth the hassle, then neither am I,’ so I wouldn’t be doing something for his birthday. He simply [stared] at me, so I mentioned ‘That’s what occurs once you’re a sexist jerk’ in entrance of his mates.“
In fact, @loopingtossaway’s son was upset about his birthday celebration being canceled as punishment… and embarrassed about it occurring in entrance of his mates.
“He hasn’t spoken to me,” the mother wrote, “and members of our household are saying I shouldn’t have mentioned that and I shouldn’t have canceled his party. AITA?”
Redditors within the feedback had been fast to remind @loopingtossaway that youngsters usually make flippant feedback, particularly amongst their friends. Was his comment problematic? Certain, however canceling her son’s party over one remark was most likely overkill. And doing so within the presence of his mates was very harsh.
“YTA,” one consumer wrote. “He’s 16; youngsters say dumb issues.”
In truth, a direct (however non-public) dialog about why his logic was rooted in sexism seemingly would have been extra productive than such a extreme punishment. It’s exhausting sufficient to be a queer teenager with out feeling like you’ll be able to’t communicate overtly in entrance of your mother and father.
“It’s completely overly harsh for a flippant remark made as a joke,” one other commenter opined. “I say this as a staunch feminist, bisexual girl in a relationship with one other girl. … Certain, have a convo with the child and ensure he’s not falling into misogynistic patterns. However cancelling a party over that is absolute overkill and can solely make him not belief or wish to be round Mother.“
“When you suppose he’s being a sexist jerk, deal with how that got here to be and discover it,” another person suggested. “You’re his mother, and also you’re the one which purported to information him.”
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